Our journey to parenthood started in early 2015. My husband and I just got married and a year into our journey of conceiving, I knew something wasn’t right.
I remember specifically the conversation my husband and I had when we decided to start trying to have a baby. I was so naive, thinking that it would happen pretty quickly. We even selected the names for our future children. We had names for both genders.
Little did I know, it would take us another 6 years until I held my daughter in my arms. In 6 years, I had endured a miscarriage ( an IUU positive pregnancy followed by a miscarriage which was unimaginable ), multiple surgeries ( polyps removal; multiple hysteroscopys , including a robotic surgery that lasted 6 hours long ), multiple failed IUIs, 6 retrievals , multiple failed transfers, thousands of dollars, brewed Chinese herbs, weekly acupuncture , fengshui, crystal & sound healing, psychic (not my proudest moment ), tons of supplements, and so much hope, disappointment and heartache. It was nothing short of isolating, exhausting and discouraging. I felt so defeated.
My doctor advised me that there was a robotic surgery that would help to increase my chances of conceiving and I was willing to undergo the six hour surgery just for that additional glimmer of hope. That was how desperate I was.
My journey is far from the hardest compared to what some women would have to endure. But whether you’re trying for 6 months or 6 years, it’s tough. And it sucks. It is unfair.
I have been extremely controlling and impatient since young, but this journey certainly tested my limits and pushed me beyond my boundaries. I was clearly on uncharted terrains.
What keeps me going is knowing that this is temporal. I think so often, our struggles begin to define us. I know for me, infertility defined me for a really long while. It consumed my thoughts, relationship, and emotions. When I got more support, it redefined me. I was able to confront and manage my emotions better. I became stronger braver, more resilient, more patient , more reflective, and more loving. I became a better version of myself going through the grief, stress and pain with stronger support.
I also built a vision board - believing I was going to be a mother. That a baby was destined for me. ( will be showing how it looks )
But ultimately, it was my last embryo ( ever ) and I was gifted with my precious daughter.
While infertility was probably be the hardest thing I have ever gone through, if you ask me, I would go through it again. Don’t give up, believe, u are not alone !
For those suffering pls remember you are not alone, stay strong and know that it will all pass. You unknowingly become a warrior because you are constantly fighting and never gave up.
I see you and I feel for you so whole heartedly. I pray for those struggling to hold on a little longer and don’t give up.
In my darkest moments I turned to these quotes that I found from various sources online to keep me going.
When it rains look for rainbows
When it’s dark look for stars
Accept what is,
Let go what was,
Have faith in what will be
I hope women who are experiencing infertility are able to draw strength from other fellow women and continue to find other forms of support. Cos this support is vital and will shape how the journey will be for this each warrior.