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How do I survive my miscarriage?

A miscarriage is often an emotional and traumatic time. You may go through feelings of grief, hopelessness, sadness, guilt, anger, jealousy, and loneliness. 

This grief is often too painful to discuss  and a lot of women find it hard to digest the emotions that they are feeling. In addition to emotional grief, there are often physical impacts as well.

While nothing can erase the loss that you feel, there are steps you and your partner can take towards healing and recovery.

Initially, it might seem like you’ll never get over the devastating loss of your pregnancy. However, things will eventually get better and you will recover in time. 

Give yourself lots of love and care as you cope with miscarriage. Seeking out help and support from others who have gone through miscarriage can help greatly. Pregnancy loss can create a sense of loneliness, but remember that you’re not alone as you cope.

Allow yourself to grieve and express your emotions

A miscarriage is like losing a loved one, and you will feel a roller coaster of emotions ranging from sadness to despair and even anger at why this has happened to you.

Understand that it is normal to feel this way and what you’re feeling is a natural part of the grieving process. Take the time to grieve and don’t feel ashamed about it.

Find a support group

Although miscarriage is often a taboo subject in the Asian culture, they are actually quite common and there are many in person or online support groups available for this type of loss. Although you may have your friends or family to talk to, it sometimes feels better talking to people who have gone through the same loss as you have, and fully understand how you are feeling at the moment.

Seek spiritual guidance

If you are a religious person, it may also help for you to speak to your spiritual leader, or attend group worship sessions.

Seek professional help

Sometimes, it may be hard working through grief yourself. This is where a grief counsellor or therapist can help you and your partner through this difficult time. 

Real Women Say...

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“This is a hard time for the couple. More than just going through the physical impact of the process, their emotional and mental health will need to be taken care of as well. After my miscarriage, I felt devastated. But after finding groups on Facebook about pregnancy loss and talking to people who had gone through the same thing as me, it made me feel so much better.”

“After having a missed miscarriage, it took me a long time to feel alright again. I just felt such sadness and pain over the loss of the baby at 4 months. Till today, a year later, the pain is still there, but I’ve just learned to deal with it. I don’t think it ever goes away”

“My miscarriage was the single, hardest part of my life. I can recall the moment the doctor told me there was no heartbeat. It took me many months to get over the pain, and even then, I carried the anxiety throughout my pregnancy. Ultimately, I was blessed with two children and I know that my miscarriage made me more appreciative of my children.”

“Give yourself time to grieve and be sad over what had happened. Many times, there is nothing much you could have done to prevent the loss. Do not blame yourself, give yourself and your spouse space to grieve and get in terms with all that have happened. Different people deal with the situation differently. So if you need someone to talk to, find someone you trust and talk to them.”